The Darkness is Greatest before the Dawn

Short Updates:

1) This past weekend was fantastic.

2) Friday afternoon drive to Tuscaloosa with Chris Hanna resulted in an ESV study Bible and Dan Gerber coming back to stay at the Campbell household. Dan has since been returned, but the Bible is mine. T'was a mere $43.81

3) Played an entertaining game of phase 10 with the family and friends Friday night. Dad won

4) Got sunburned for the first time this summer Saturday. In some weird way it was nice

5) Ate way more ribs, bbq chicken, baked beans, grilled veggies, & corn on the cob than I should have on the 4th. But boy was it delicious.

6) Good conversation with some prayer furnace people at Desoto Caverns.

7) Homemade ice cream is the best

8) I really like the narrative stories of the OT. A whole lot, actually. And Ruth is really growing on me (Although that might just be because Platt's teaching it)

Now for the long/introspective analysis piece of this post. If you got time, go for it.

If you have talked with me at all for the past month and a half, I have fallen into some bit of mild depression, over what is really trivial matters. But yet, even though I knew they were trivial matters, I could not shake off the feelings of... well, dread. I felt no hope for the future, I wasn't really enjoying the company of my friends, I couldn't get motivated, I couldn't completely trust the Lord, I couldn't study His word and really see Him there, or pray and feel His comforting hand, or have confidence in His indwelling presence. These mild depressions are not all that uncommon to me, and I know that their tendency to surface is a great flaw of mine. I have asked the Lord to remove my tendency to go into these lapses of mild depression several times, every time they come up. They are a great hindrance, keeping me from zealously pursuing the Lord and delighting in his beautiful glory. And yet, they remain. Why? If God is the sovereign I AM that he is, why would He afflict his servant in this way?

Well, we find Paul in a similar position in 2 Corinthians 12:7-12. "So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Did you catch that, oh soul? The most prominent NT author, the one who spoke of himself as being crucified with Christ, the one who healed many and gave all he was to the work of Christ- he was made weak. But this makes no sense! God is limiting his bondservant, who has shown himself to be so sincere and productive in spreading the Gospel! It might be understandable for Paul to afflicted by others, for unrepentant sinners to stone and lash and torture him, for then Paul can display Christ's love and meekness towards his enemies. But for God to allow this messenger of Satan to remain seems contradictory towards the mission that he has bestowed upon his life, this seems to make no sense.

As Paul pleads, His gracious Father answers: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." So what does this mean? That afflictions that seemingly hinder the work of God, actually make it stronger. That when Christ's servants are willing to see every affliction, no matter its origin, as coming from the hand of a gracious Father to perfect His messenger, we may rejoice- for He will see us through. He will not let us truly fail, for we bear His name, remember? And He is jealous for His name. Which means that He is jealous for us.

So I have come to see these difficult times that come, for whatever reason, as a gift from the Father, for in them I am able to show God as faithful and powerful. By the grace of God, there has still been good works produced through these hands this past season- encouragement of the body, new knowledge of the word, and consistent discipleship of a few high school senior guys. And there has been fruit- the Spirit has used this to cultivate in me greater humility. I have come to see how utterly dependent I am upon the vine, and that I can literally do nothing apart from Christ.

The last gem gained from this season is a renewed vigor to dig into the word with reckless abandon, to become a disciplined man of prayer and scripture memorization, and an intense love for the God of my salvation and the beauty of His redemption story. Being on the other side of this, I feel like I can truly attest and affirm to this quote from Charles Spurgeon.

"This depression comes over me whenever the Lord is preparing a larger blessing for my ministry; the cloud is black before it breaks, and overshadows before it yields its deluge of mercy. Depression has now become to me as a prophet in rough clothing, a John the Baptist, heralding the nearer coming of my Lord's richer benison"

So whenever we find ourselves on the walls in the darkest of nights, watching in desperation for the sign of light, may we remember that it is darkest just before the Son breaks the horizon

Snippets of things

I don't have time to do a long post, but I wanted to put a few things out there:

-> I need to be more disciplined. While it is extremely difficult for me, I must get into the habit of waking up at 5 AM for time with the Lord. It makes the day so much better, and must be a discipline for my life. Although, not always necessarily 5... just before I do anything else

-> I definitely can't do a desk job in my life. Whatever I do, I have to be moving and talking with people and having a change of scenery, or something. I can't deal with a lack of personal interaction for long periods of time

-> Scripture memorization is incredible. I've been working on it with some senior high school guys, and its been super good. We've done John 15:1-11, Philippians 2:1-11, Psalm 23, and Colossians 3:1-17. I wish I had started memorizing when I was younger

-> Props to all that have dealt with me complaining about my current co-op stuff. This list would include Philip Waters, Trey Cartledge, Danny Feltham, Bubba Bowen, Mateo and Cherene Melendez, and others.

-> I need to learn how to trust the Lord more. As in, not worry that I've made the wrong decision or that I'm going to miss something in the future or whatever. I need to seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. And take each day one step at a time. And trust the Lord has my steps planned and that He only has good for me

-> All that said, I'm ready for summer to be done. This has been much different than I had anticipated, and I'm really looking forward to being back in Tuscaloosa. Crazy enough, I think I'll have more rest and peace in the midst of the college lifestyle than I do right now...

-> I really enjoy talking with Mateo and Cherene. They are so nice, and they know me incredibly well. I'm not sure I'll take all their advice, but the other night I got to their place at 8 and left at 4:30 the next morning. Stuff about being confident in the Lord's leadership, what my thought tendencies are, and all sorts of other things. They also make extremely good cake